Friday, August 29, 2008

J Ho's Favorite Bible Quotes

This quote especially tickles my loins. Now I know why so many people love the Bible: the amount of sexual depravity will make even the most pedophillic priest blush. No wonder the most sexually wild woman were religious. They believe in God, but they love screaming "Oh God!!!" You know about the 'stereotype' of Catholic School Girls? They are a stereotype because some part of it is true

Sunday school lessons tend to focus on God turning Lot's wife into a pillar of salt like she's starring in one of Sarah Connor's nightmares from Terminator 2: Judgment Day. It's the sort of imagery that might distract you from something like flagrant incest

From Genesis 19:30-36
30 Now Lot went up out of Zoar and lived in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to live in Zoar. So he lived in a cave with his two daughters. 31 And the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” 33 So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father. He did not know when she lay down or when she arose.

34 The next day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father. Let us make him drink wine tonight also. Then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot became pregnant by their father.

Something tells us Lot's daughters would lose any drinking game centered around "Never Have I Ever." If you've done it in a cave--and you've done it with your dad--you've probably also done it tangled in Fruit By The Foot or by accident with a vegetable.

Speaking of people who might want to steer clear of drinking games, the Bible seems to blame the whole thing on the evil women getting the MAN drunk on booze, a strategy you'll recognize from work the morning after karaoke night. How can a woman read this book and think this thing is relevant? The alcohol in this case is wine, which raises the question: how much wine do you have to drink before you became oblivious to the fact that you were having sex with your daughter ... a second time? Well, I drink wine. I guess it depends on how hot the daughters are.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008

J Ho's Favorite Bible Quotes

Since it is Sunday; just another ordinary, normal, non-important day; here is another one of my favorite Bible quotes. From Gen. 38:15-16:

"When Judah saw her, he thought her to be a harlot; because she had covered her face. And he turned to her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; for he know not that she was his daughter-in-law."

You'd think the Bible would've just edited out all of the misconceptions involving veils, considering how many times people accidentally have sex with the wrong person in this book. Pesky veils, and now our only excuses are ... like ... alcohol, right? And being out of town so it doesn't count?

Of course us Americans don't realize the kind of impact a veil can have on a relationship. Our women are free to just walk around with their faces flapping in the wind, exposing their identity to the world. You have to hand it to the countries where women still wear veils: it must be a lot easier to write sitcom episodes that revolve around wacky cases of mistaken identity.

Note that the frisky slut above is the same slut (Tamar) who got to witness Onan being slain by the LORD for coitus interruptus. Getting right back on that horse, Tamar! Only instead of a horse, it's Judah--Onan's dad. Score!

If you don't think that's hot, you've ... never been to a really drunk family reunion where everyone's wearing veils and no one is aware it's a family reunion.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Who is the V.P.?

Obama is going to be announcing his V.P. Running Mate very soon. Who could it be? Joseph Biden? Hillary Clinton? Jim Webb? Chuck Hagel?

He is in Chicago today. Is this a clue?

He in in Chicago, so there only has to be one choice...


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Stupid Americans

Rev. Rick Warren held an interview (don't get me started as to why it is important to talk to this blowhard snake-charming money-grubbing pulpit-er) with John McCain and Barack Obama, showing the senators in the same venue for the first time. McCain made clear his ideas between rich and poor, when he said that the line between rich and poor is $5 million a year. Yes, this was a joke, but the average voter understands that this type of thing maybe shouldn’t be joked about when you’re sitting under the "Mendoza Line".

This goes hand-in-hand with a statment McCain said last week at a private get-together. When joking about lopsided tax breaks at dinner, he purportedly justified it by saying, “People who make under $80,000 are too stupid to understand taxes anyway.”

This makes sense, as he’s somehow convinced the public that he’s the candidate for tax cuts. Meanwhile if we look at the breakdown, we see that McCain’s tax cuts do not help people who make $80,000, in order to give huge tax breaks to the top 1% of the population. How is it possible to get people to vote against their best interests? According to McCain it’s because you’re too stupid to understand.

Source: Washington Post

Monday, August 18, 2008

This Is Why I Don't Watch Baseball...

and NASCAR: everybody cheats.

When more talk is about which Manufacturer has the advantage in horsepower instead of who is the better driver (it's been like this for years now), there are problems with stock car racing. When Toyota wins 15 of 25 Nationwide Series races, with Joe Gibbs Racing winning a bulk of them, and they resort to low tactics to remain above the rest, it goes to show the dollar and corporations are ruining the sport.

Of all the cheating incidents seen in recent memory, there are probably countless episodes that were never caught. Just like baseball, the large amount of "turn your back towards so to claim ignorance to keep the money flowing" is sinking this sport in my eyes. I wonder if there are more out there who feel this way.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

J Ho's Favorite Bible Quotes

Since the Bible is the end-all, be-all of knowledge in the world, for ever and eeevvvvveerrrr, AMEN, I decided to start a list of my favorite Bible quotes. My Playboy subscriptions were getting pretty stale so I thought I might "take it up a notch" with some of the most sexual depraved writings this living planet has ever seen. If you've ever heard masturbation referred to as "onanism", well, you've got one guy to thank.

Judah 38:8-10

Then Judah said to Onan, "Unite with your brother's widow, in fulfillment of your duty as brother-in-law, and thus preserve your brother's line."
Onan, however, knew that the descendants would not be counted as his; so whenever he had relations with his brother's widow, he wasted his seed on the ground, to avoid contributing offspring for his brother.
What he did greatly offended the LORD, and the LORD took his life too.

Now there's something a woman never forgets. You're getting busy with your husband's brother, he splooges on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD. Talk about awkward.

This particular verse was taken slightly out-of-context when it gave birth to "onanism," which refers to both coitus interruptus and masturbation. It's probably just as well that he died, and didn't have to walk around the rest of his life listening to people refer to jerking off as "Doing an Onan." I wonder if Onan had a "love sock", or a "love fascia".

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just Like His Ideas

Below is a picture of out President holding the American flag backwards for almost 20 minutes at an Olympic event. The photo pretty much sums up the President's idea of the current status of America: We all know the country is backwards from it's ideals; but, at his position, America is positioned correctly.

Did anyone see the Bob Costas interview of G.W.? Costas asked Bush how he talks with the Chinese President over the current problems happening in the United States and Bush says, "I don't see any problems with America."


Sunday, August 10, 2008

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Six and a Half Weeks

...T has been smoke-free. To commemorate this occasion, here's the Candid T video from Bristol.

T and I were talking today, and he said that since he's been smokeless, he doesn't cough as much as he used to. Then we started talking about the Candid T video and how everytime he laughed it turned into a coughing spell (as you can see for yourself).

I've also uploaded two more videos from last year at Bristol, but to view em, you're gonna have to head over to The Bristol Experience.

Some GTA4 Stuff

First, a touching story.

Then a neat slideshow.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Monday, August 04, 2008

What'd He Say?

At least the kid had a sense of humor.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Time's Runnin' Out

... to get to Diggerland.

Yep, it's exactly what it sounds like. Be sure to check out the Diggerland photos for the full effect.

Don't Have...

this web site bookmarked if you are taking your laptop with you on a flight. Not content with taking your shoes and confiscating your water, now the Department of Homeland Security is gunning for your laptops. As the Washington Post reported yesterday, Border Patrol and Customs agents can now “detain” laptops “for a reasonable period of time” to “review and analyze information.” They don’t need probable cause under the new policy. Doesn’t matter if you’re a U.S. citizen or foreign visitor. Officials can hold the laptops indefinitely. Or hard drives, flash drives, cellphones, iPods, pagers, beepers, video and audio tapes. Ditto papers, documents, books, pamphlets, even litter.

“It’s not our intent to subject legitimate travelers to undue scrutiny, but to ensure the safety of the American public,” wrote Jayson Ahern, U.S. Customs deputy commissioner, in a recent policy paper. Arguing that border searches of laptops have already uncovered intellectual property rights violations, extremist Jihadist literature, video clips of IEDs and child pornography, he pledged the government would never disclose confidential information “without lawful authority.” The policy has been on the books for awhile, but just confirmed under pressure from civil rights and business groups worried about increasing reports of laptop confiscation.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Brain

The Power of the Brain. To those who see the pearly gates at time of near-death, it's just your brain going crazy. Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness -- of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another. (Recorded February 2008 in Monterey, California. Duration: 18:44.)