Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Oh, No, Not Again!

Time for another excruciating week of American Idol. This time, I am doing this without my wife present. I usually like someone to bounce ideas before I type. When she can't stop laughing, I know it is good. Without further ado...

Anoop: Yawn. Slumdog Millionaire came out on Blue Ray and DVD. That is something good to watch. Paula is draining the life out of me. I may go back to working on payroll instead of watching this show. I'm already bored.

Megan: I wanna give you some good lovin'. I wanna keep the light on, though. I need the lights turned on when I break out the video camera. Paula is crazy. Does Paula have an adam's apple? Another boring song. Don't go, Megan. Don't go!

Danny: I hate the fundamentalist, but he is good. But a standing ovation? A long pause for applause? He's no Pavarotti. What's with the woman in the pink standing behind the "Go Go Gokey" sign? Looks like a drag queen hooker, or is that a hooker drag queen... What would be the proper way of writing that out?

Allison: "Don't speak" if you are caught in a back seat of a car with her... she's only 16. She's dressed like a Japanese Anime chick on crack. She shouted a bit. She's got originality. God! This shit is so boring. How can people religiously follow this show?

Scott: Somebody put some sunglasses on him! Looks like they tamed down his fro a little. Why does he keep looking up while he sings? Can't he see there is nothing up there? Another lame-ass song sung by a lame-ass singer. Somebody needs to show his poor-sighted sister the refrigerator; the only thing that is 'thick' on her is her glasses. Paula, one week, says he should get away from the piano. Now she says that playing the piano without the band was a great idea. What is she, bi-polar? No need to answer that one.

Matt: That third eye in the middle of his forehead is still staring at me. Make it go away. I haven't head such good keyboard work since Miami Vice Theme Song. Keyboard, 80's leather jacket, poor skin care... he should have played a Michael Jackson song. Did Paula say the word "aborted"? I'm surprised that wasn't bleeped out on FOX.

Lil: "I surrender" to that badonkadonk. All hail THAT badonkadonk. Who has more muscular arms, Lil or Michele Obama? She did better this week. She is screaming less. Seacrest, get out of the camera shot. Who do you think you are, John McCain. Randy, quit grabbing that little girl's ass!

Adam: One word: DIVA. Will gay-America keep him in the competition another week? I hate to say this, but I'd rather listen to Twice As Nice sing this song. Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, and Adam Lambert? WTF, Paula? OMG. She is MIA. She must be FUBAR'ed.

Kris: Never trust a man with two first names as a first and last name. "I know, I know, I know" he will be gone soon enough. Show more shots of his beard, I mean, wife. Another bar song.

I don't know what to say about this group. They are all too lame to even be exciting to watch. I wasted 90 minutes watching this show again. I will never get these 90 minutes back. I could have gave my cat an enema 45 times, and I would have enjoyed that more that this show. And I would have less scars, also.

Who will win: Danny

Who I want to win: Allison

Who will go: Matt

No comments: