Since THE FISH is coming in town this month, I can't think of a better warm up to get your sorry asses in shape for the BIG C to come in town. That's right, yours truly will be in "C"bus over Memorial Day weekend.
Z, I hate I'm missing your return to the states. I expect a drunken phone call at an obscene hour so I can kill a beer with you whilst you're stateside. Make sure that obscene hour is before midnight... I'm getting old.
Having said that, the btown boyz best get their training wheels off when they have the chance. T and C are planning a weekend that will make going thru puberty seem like a cakewalk.
Actually we're not planning that much. The weekend speaks for itself. REDNESS has been kind enough to pick up tickets to the truck race in Mansfield (Man's fields will kill ya) on Saturday and Sunday is the Coke 600 presented by CautionFest, where there will be at least a baker's dozen cautions to drink to (if not TWO baker's dozen cautions). Other than that, plans are for me to land in CBUS on Friday around 4:20 (smokem if ya gottem) and depart around noon on Monday. In between, plans are to drink enough to embarrass me, you, and the horse you rode in on. Dust off your drinkin' boots boyz, the High Plains Drifter is gonna be in town, punks.
Speaking of T's story (no one was speaking of it but too bad) let me recommend two places to get yo freak on... other than under a blanket in plain sight.
1. Swimming pool, hot tub, etc. Yes, there's chlorine in the water for a reason. Make it earn its keep. Positions once thought impossible become more than possible.
2. Big ass outdoor trampoline. First, it's outside. Second, kinetic energy. You thrust, it thrusts back. No headboard to cause blunt force trama. Enough said. Plus, the springs creaking makes a romantic sound. Not really, but it reminds you that you are f-ing on a trampoline. That's freaking sweet. Just don't wake up the grandparents. It's a serious mood killer.
So put the women and children to bed gentlemen. Kick the tires and light the fires. It's time to buzz the tower. Mark your calendars for May 26th. Take a few days to remember what it was like to be men in college... drinking heavily, attempting to get laid, waking up with no memory of the previous night, drinking leftover, flat, warm half cans of beer at 10 AM, not smelling your own stench, and doing it all over again the next day. And loving every minute of it. My friends, these weekends are numbered for us veterans. This will be one of those weekends.
Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
Drunk guy up,
The High Plains Drifter
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