Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Top 12 Men...

and I don't mean the New York Giants offense and Tom Coughlin. Here is a brief summary of the first episode of American Idol Live Events. Since all these people suck royally, I need to pass the time by creating a blog about the excruciating experience of watching this show. I know what you are saying, "J Ho, how can a male be online for two hours and NOT watch PORN, but I did it!!! I did not look at porn for two straight hours on the computer (except for Lindsay Lohan's pics)So, I am giving a one phrase critique of each male contestant. Note: The photo first, then the name of that person and comment.

David Hernandez: Isn't he with the Yankees?

Chikezie: Chikezie, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl

David Cook: Massive Comb-Over from the back of his neck.

Jason Yeager: Too plain to even comment on.

Robbie Carrico: He's not a 'rocker'

David Archuleta: 36 year old male pedofiles, 40 year old women, 10 year old girls LOVE him.

Danny Noriega: Super-Gay Sanjaya.

Luke Menard: Me-nard's are hurtin' from the boredom.

Colton Berry: (2 options): He want's to be a dentist, and he doesn't want to go back to the 'island of misfit toys' (OR) Bill S. Preston, Esquire

Garrett Haley: This is why this show sucks!!!!

Jason Castro: He's probably got good weed.

Michael Johns: He has probably bought good weed from Jason.

Who's going home? 'Super-Gay Sanjaya' and 'Me-nards'


Anonymous said...

well for tonight i have five i like, in order they sang,

robbie carrico
david archuleta
luke menard
jason castro
Michael Johns

steadmans mom

B Town Big C said...

This looks like fun and I watched this crap tonight, so I want to play too.

David Cook = 36 year old pedophile. Where's Dateline NBC when you need them? Watch out Adam, I mean David, Archuleta.

David Noriega = Hot chick with a penis. OK, I'm still laughing about Super Gay Sanjaya

Luke Menard = Orlando Bloom wanna be. Also "OW! Me-nards!"

Jason Castro = slyght and John Travolta's love child.

Garrett Haley = last seen hiking to Mordor with Samwise Gamgee, muttering about some ring.

B Town T said...

In between playing GRAW2 and passing out on the floor from extreme boredom, I caught Super Gay Sanjaya and Garrett Haley.

This is why you should quit watching American Idol after all the opening rounds. I can't say much about Super Gay Sanjaya that hasn't been already said. Oh wait, I found something...Cocksmoker.

And seriously, am I the only one who thinks Garrett Haley should be the front man for Def Leppard. Just wait til he sings "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and Super Gay Sanjaya takes it literally.

steadman said...

can't wait to see the girl post!

Anonymous said...

Too Funny LMAO!You have to do this commentary after every show..

I wanna play too:
Menard and skunk stripe hair guy are gone.

Chet's wife